[ Bruce did not consider hedonism a convenience. Just a necessary tool. People never examined him too closely when he disappeared for hours and hours. Or when he blew off engagements or when there's another story in the tabloids about a woman he's scorned. It wasn't convenient. It was just necessary. ]
What kind of man do you think I would be without it?
[Crane adjusts his positioning, leaning diagonally against the back of his chair, head bowed next to his chest in thought. In the next second, he is resting his arm on the armrest. In the third, he is removing his glasses and scrunching his eyes.
Come the fourth, his glasses are perched on his nose and he is studying Bruce with a curious gaze. The cold stare that his colleagues find unnerving, to the point of describing it as clinical]
[ Were Bruce anyone else, he might have been chilled by Crane's clinical stare. Instead, he saw it as another clue. Another piece to fit into the greater picture. Instead, he meets it with one of his own and it's not the bravado of a man who hides behind his money. It is a quiet challenge and Bruce does not intend to back down. ]
[Fascinating. One might expect a man of Bruce's history and character to offer sartorial advice, or to engage in a simple game of word association. Clearly neither are intriguing him here and now so what is?
Crane seeks the answer by turning his gaze inward. People notice his miniscule height (which he would call average) and his blue eyes, but Bruce is staring past both to the invisible man beneath. But in doing so he has made himself, the pun almost makes him smile, visible.
His face remains emotionless and distant.]
The body is the visibility of the soul. One could claim a visible man such as you is comfortable enough in his skin - in his mind and being - that he has no need for therapy.
[His voice flits from point to point, less interested in scoring a point than in discussing theory.]
So either you are wrong and desperately need to be here, or you are lying and are here for another reason.
[ It is Bruce's turn to shift in his seat. He isn't uncomfortable, though from the little while he's been here, he imagines Dr. Crane doesn't want his patients getting too comfortable. But he shifts anyway, putting himself in something someone might consider defensive and gone is the friendly disposition. Replaced by something else, something its opposite. Not cold, but wary and a bit calculating in Bruce's opinion. ]
You're right again, Doctor. I haven't been exactly forthcoming with you.
[ Then he quiets as he decides how to word this. If he even wants to give it words at all. ]
About six months ago, I lost someone that was very dear to me. The other people in my life don't think I am handling his death very well. I've been told I'm being. Reckless. The problem is, I disagree.
[There he is. Crane continues to pin Bruce against his chair, using his stare to hold him down. Having no reason to believe the other man is anything but uncomfortable, he relaxes in himself, and begins to unwind as he changes positions behind his desk.
He leans forward with both elbows on the table, clenching his hands before laying them still.]
Do you? You are responsible for your enterprises. You employ a good few thousand people and hundreds more. [That's a conservative estimate.] You seem intelligent enough to understand what a reckless position would cost them.
[He cannot understand such a personal loss. He can only use his mind to imagine being in that position.]
[ In all honesty, Bruce did not handle the daily affairs of the company. That he left in the hands of people far more capable than he was. People who had the focus and the energy and the time. His night job consumed so much of his life (more so now in the wake of Dick's loss) that Bruce Wayne was CEO of Wayne Enterprises in name only.
Dr. Crane didn't need to know that. He only needed to know what Bruce wanted him to think. ]
The tabloids haven't exactly been kind to me lately. Not that I care much. They'll print whatever sells their papers, right? But some of the reports have been concerning. [ He stops for a moment, then smiles at Crane, a half upturn of his mouth. It's not one that reaches his eyes. ] But who hasn't crashed a 100 grand car?
[Facts change. Figures can be altered. Crane believes in analysing his data, but right now there is no reason to believe either need a look. It is simply not the time. He brings his hands together and smiles in a manner that does reach his eyes. But the spark there is anything but warm.]
[ Bruce isn't so humorless that he can't appreciate a good deflection. ]
The point is, they want me to work through my grief. But I have. I mourned for Dick and now I have to move on.
[ The same way he "moved on" from his parents' murder. By dressing up like a bat and punching criminals in the face. Totally normal and good reaction. ]
[The question hangs on the air while Crane writes in his notebook. His pen returns to lie in orderly fashion beside it before he begins to explain.]
The five stages of grief - though engrainged in the public consciousness - are an inaccurate representation of emotion following the death of a loved one. There is nothing to move on from. Grief will always be with you. The reason people seek therapy is to learn to live with it without it dominating their life.
[He looks around his desk before centering his gaze on Bruce.]
[ Deep down, Bruce knew that Crane wasn't wrong. There was a reason he still visited the mausoleum to leave flowers for his mother and father. There was a reason Dick's suit sat memorialized in a glass case in the Batcave. All of it because he couldn't let go of his grief. He refused to. He dressed himself in it every night. And for a moment, he hated that Crane was right. ]
It doesn't scare me.
[ Not much of anything did. Except maybe forgetting. Maybe that's why kept those things so close. So he would never forget. So that he'd always be punished for failing the people he loved. So he would remember what, exactly, he had to lose. ]
[There is one question that comes to mind. One question he remembers asking when he began lecturing at the university. One question he repeated when he overheard the whispering about his appearance, his personality, and rumours about his demeanour. One simple question he asks himself when he goes out at night, hidden beneath his mask, yet visible to the world.
He whispers with a quiet and soft voice.]
Then why are you here?
[Why does he go out every night? To punish himself? Of course not.]
[ No, he went out every night to punish people like Joe Chill, who terrorized the people of Gotham. He went out every night to make sure the lowest, pettiest criminal to the likes of Sal Maroni knew there was someone out there willing to hit back harder than they ever could.
For himself? His punishment is a little more inelegant. He keeps reminders of everything that's ever hurt him, so he can look at it and remember the pain it caused. So he could live there and have the motivation he needed to put the cowl back on for another night. ]
Because I was asked to come before I got myself killed.
[Crane immediately speaks as soon as Bruce is finished. There is enough pressure behind his calm and fluid tone that one can imagine how his patients must feel.]
I would say you are here because you want my validation to continue this path you're on, to assuage those who care about you. But the lack of approval doesn't scare you either, does it? It's not even so much about that. It's not even the danger you put yourself in. It's about the people around you.
[Does he emphasise? No. But he can imagine himself in that position and recognise that he, too, goes out night after night to make sure everyone out there understands he is willing to hit back harder than they ever could. Before they could hit him first.]
[ Bruce couldn't disagree. Crane could see through his subterfuge in a way most others could not. It should have been unnerving. But it only puts Bruce on alert. He would have to tread carefully, so he didn't give too much away. ]
Well, I can see why you come so highly recommended.
[The remark causes a noise to rumble in his throat, but he suppresses any other sign of laughter by clenching his jaw. He instead draws a mental circle around the diversion, the changing of focus onto himself, and wipes it away.]
I'm sure.
[He affords it the briefest of acknowledgements but swiftly moves on.]
Or maybe they just didn't care too much to help you.
[Bruce strikes him as an intelligent man who knows what he said is the opposite of encouraging. He knows the other man will understand he knows that. So why say those words? Maybe he just wants to see what happens.]
[ On some level, Bruce can appreciate Crane's confidence. So many people lose that when they're around someone like Bruce. He's known more than his fair share of businessmen and politicians and financiers who would trip over themselves to get on his good side and to stay there. It's nice to have someone willing to stand their ground.
And it was a little irritating.
Because Bruce had to work a little harder to get a good read on the other man. ]
What do you recommend then? How can I put this whole thing to rest?
[ without changing a single thing about his behavior. ]
Change your behaviour. What you choose to do today feeds into tomorrow. You understand crashing a car has consequences. You understand your behaviour is causing people stress.
[What else would he say to a man unwilling to change? Bruce's unwilling to analyse his actions hardly becomes the intelligent man who lies beneath. He considers it an anamoly and that catches his interest.]
You also said you are disinterested in easy solutions, which makes me question why you want to put this whole thing to rest.
[Crane mirrors those words deliberately. Come on, man. You're sounding like you want to take this meeting behind the woodshed and put it down.]
[Do you know how much that sounds like an excuse? Do you know how much that sounds like avoidance? Crane knows that pathetic answer was neither and gathers his hands in his lap. He angles his head, closes his eyes and inhales.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Bruce did not consider hedonism a convenience. Just a necessary tool. People never examined him too closely when he disappeared for hours and hours. Or when he blew off engagements or when there's another story in the tabloids about a woman he's scorned. It wasn't convenient. It was just necessary. ]
What kind of man do you think I would be without it?
no subject
Come the fourth, his glasses are perched on his nose and he is studying Bruce with a curious gaze. The cold stare that his colleagues find unnerving, to the point of describing it as clinical]
A visible one?
[Yes, he knows it's a tool you little shit]
no subject
I am visible enough, I think.
no subject
Crane seeks the answer by turning his gaze inward. People notice his miniscule height (which he would call average) and his blue eyes, but Bruce is staring past both to the invisible man beneath. But in doing so he has made himself, the pun almost makes him smile, visible.
His face remains emotionless and distant.]
The body is the visibility of the soul. One could claim a visible man such as you is comfortable enough in his skin - in his mind and being - that he has no need for therapy.
[His voice flits from point to point, less interested in scoring a point than in discussing theory.]
So either you are wrong and desperately need to be here, or you are lying and are here for another reason.
[Lying to his therapist. Lying to himself.]
no subject
You're right again, Doctor. I haven't been exactly forthcoming with you.
[ Then he quiets as he decides how to word this. If he even wants to give it words at all. ]
About six months ago, I lost someone that was very dear to me. The other people in my life don't think I am handling his death very well. I've been told I'm being. Reckless. The problem is, I disagree.
no subject
He leans forward with both elbows on the table, clenching his hands before laying them still.]
Do you? You are responsible for your enterprises. You employ a good few thousand people and hundreds more. [That's a conservative estimate.] You seem intelligent enough to understand what a reckless position would cost them.
[He cannot understand such a personal loss. He can only use his mind to imagine being in that position.]
And what it has cost you.
no subject
Dr. Crane didn't need to know that. He only needed to know what Bruce wanted him to think. ]
The tabloids haven't exactly been kind to me lately. Not that I care much. They'll print whatever sells their papers, right? But some of the reports have been concerning. [ He stops for a moment, then smiles at Crane, a half upturn of his mouth. It's not one that reaches his eyes. ] But who hasn't crashed a 100 grand car?
no subject
Certainly nobody who can afford one.
[Look! He can use humour to deflect, too.]
no subject
[ Bruce isn't so humorless that he can't appreciate a good deflection. ]
The point is, they want me to work through my grief. But I have. I mourned for Dick and now I have to move on.
[ The same way he "moved on" from his parents' murder. By dressing up like a bat and punching criminals in the face. Totally normal and good reaction. ]
no subject
[The question hangs on the air while Crane writes in his notebook. His pen returns to lie in orderly fashion beside it before he begins to explain.]
The five stages of grief - though engrainged in the public consciousness - are an inaccurate representation of emotion following the death of a loved one. There is nothing to move on from. Grief will always be with you. The reason people seek therapy is to learn to live with it without it dominating their life.
[He looks around his desk before centering his gaze on Bruce.]
In essence, they fear it.
no subject
It doesn't scare me.
[ Not much of anything did. Except maybe forgetting. Maybe that's why kept those things so close. So he would never forget. So that he'd always be punished for failing the people he loved. So he would remember what, exactly, he had to lose. ]
no subject
He whispers with a quiet and soft voice.]
Then why are you here?
[Why does he go out every night? To punish himself? Of course not.]
no subject
For himself? His punishment is a little more inelegant. He keeps reminders of everything that's ever hurt him, so he can look at it and remember the pain it caused. So he could live there and have the motivation he needed to put the cowl back on for another night. ]
Because I was asked to come before I got myself killed.
[ But that doesn't scare him either. ]
no subject
[Crane immediately speaks as soon as Bruce is finished. There is enough pressure behind his calm and fluid tone that one can imagine how his patients must feel.]
I would say you are here because you want my validation to continue this path you're on, to assuage those who care about you. But the lack of approval doesn't scare you either, does it? It's not even so much about that. It's not even the danger you put yourself in. It's about the people around you.
[Does he emphasise? No. But he can imagine himself in that position and recognise that he, too, goes out night after night to make sure everyone out there understands he is willing to hit back harder than they ever could. Before they could hit him first.]
no subject
You sure you're not a mind reader, doc?
no subject
Not at all. I just happen to be good at what I do.
[The implication being his colleagues, well, aren't.]
no subject
Well, I can see why you come so highly recommended.
no subject
I'm sure.
[He affords it the briefest of acknowledgements but swiftly moves on.]
Or maybe they just didn't care too much to help you.
[Bruce strikes him as an intelligent man who knows what he said is the opposite of encouraging. He knows the other man will understand he knows that. So why say those words? Maybe he just wants to see what happens.]
no subject
And it was a little irritating.
Because Bruce had to work a little harder to get a good read on the other man. ]
What do you recommend then? How can I put this whole thing to rest?
[ without changing a single thing about his behavior. ]
no subject
[What else would he say to a man unwilling to change? Bruce's unwilling to analyse his actions hardly becomes the intelligent man who lies beneath. He considers it an anamoly and that catches his interest.]
You also said you are disinterested in easy solutions, which makes me question why you want to put this whole thing to rest.
[Crane mirrors those words deliberately. Come on, man. You're sounding like you want to take this meeting behind the woodshed and put it down.]
no subject
Do you know how many parties I would have to turn down before the end of the year? Social life would be ruined. Nothing about that sounds easy to me.
no subject
Do you know how much that sounds like diversion?
[Do you know how much that smells like bullshit?]
no subject
Despite what you may think, Gotham's social politics is a very tricky beast, Dr. Crane. Saying no to certain invitations could get you blacklisted.
no subject
Perhaps being excluded from society is the cost of being normal.
no subject
There's nothing normal about me or my life.
[ Or society for that matter. They do live in a world that needs a man who dresses as a giant bat, after all. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)